Day 15

Today has been a bad day, nothing in particular has happened to make it a bad day, it just has...

I have been getting on my wife's nerves today. I try so hard to be positive and help her through the situation, to make her feel safe, but all I seem to do is make things worse and make her feel bad. Over the last couple of years we have tried to get away as often as we can, we need time together, away, as a family and before this all went tits up we had booked several breaks.

We have already cancelled a break for May and I have been discussing with my wife the other breaks we have booked, being the pragmatist I felt we should cut our losses and cancel, as I don't see her situation being any better by the time the breaks come along. However, being insensitive, I didn't realise that my wife was pinning her hopes on making these breaks, something to look forward to, something to come out the other end of this shitstorm we are going through!

I always misread and get things wrong, you would think by now I would know better...

On the upside today, we had a first - our little one is very sensitive to textures and tastes - with this in mind he had never shown an interest in ice cream, that is until today, when he literally stole an ice cream out of my wife's hand and started eating it. We initially thought he was just after the chocolate on the outside, but he gradually worked his way through the whole thing! So looks like he might be converted! It put a real smile on both of our faces (and chocolate on his), and cheered up what was a hard day.

The neighbours must be wondering what's going on in our house - I know a lot of people are currently going through the whole staying indoors, socially distancing thing, but I don't think there are too many going the whole hog and shielding. We have had 3 visits to the house today (more than we normally see in a week).

These visits involve supplies being dropped off in our porch, then us leaning out of our upper floor window, to chat to whoever has just been - this must look strange to people, anyone looking out of their window or passing by must find this behaviour, well - odd! My daughter was the last one round today, dropping off some cheese we couldn't get on our shopping delivery - for some reason, possibly because of the day we have had, this set my wife off and I found her in floods of tears in the kitchen.

I guess I am a bit harder, as these things don't appear to get to me too much - I understand there is an end goal to all of this - an exit strategy - as the experts keep calling it. For me, it's just about getting to a point of not having to look over our shoulders, worrying about who we are going to come into contact with. I know that time will come - my wife however is finding that difficult, she is struggling to see past the now. I know we will get through it, as sure as I am that we will have other days like today, when things just seem so difficult, so unfair, so wrong...